Sometimes, the feminist in me simply needs to roars. I often try to hold in the roar, as to not offend the masses, but at times, I just need to let it out. This is true both in the United States as well as Ghana.
The USA still has a long way to go in terms of equal rights for women, as we have seen in the past couple of months before this election. One can remember a particularly problematic event in Michigan when a female politician was banned from speaking for saying “ vagina” in context to women’s rights. Young women are sold multitudes of makeup, plastic surgery, and eating disorders so they can become an idealized beauty from the advertisements. Further the average woman’s salary is still 77 cents to a man’s dollar. Even scarier yet, one in three women will be raped in her lifetime. So, looking at these facts, we can see that the US has a multitude of problems, and these don’t even skim the surface.
Ghana, in some ways, is miles ahead of the USA when it comes to equality of gender. Both men and women make the same salary for the same careers, and women are given a role in politics, and in traditional society (queen mothers serve on council with chiefs). Also, as I have earlier stated in my blog, body positivity is a major plus in Ghanaian society. Also, people seem very open to the idea of equality between the sexes. There are more and more women lawyers, doctors, and professors. For this, you can sense pride in the people who discuss it. I was in a critique with a professor and another student (both male) the other day, and my prof was saying how the student should edit the play to make a female child eligible for chiefdom. “Our society is changing—women are just as able as men are to control and help our country. Help to be a voice for equal rights through your play! Be a voice for change!” My classmate readily agreed, and this made me grin from ear to ear. However, there are some things within Ghanaian culture that are definitely hard for me to understand from the viewpoint of a Western feminist. I will be discussing these issues here.
Just as a disclosure, I am not an expert by any means on Ghanaian life, or feminism in Ghana. I am simply speaking from observation and experience. I also respect and am trying to understand the cultural differences between Ghanaian life and my own. This entry in some ways, serves as a drawing board for me, as well as a critique and questions I have. Everything in this entry will be from my viewpoint and my opinion. I hope that this entry can serve as a spark of a healthy discussion.
Topic #1: Child bearing
In my experience in Ghana so far, I have come across a couple of heated debates with some of my male peers. The first is children. One of my colleagues asked me how many children I wanted, and I admitted that I am not sure if I want any. He was taken aback. “How can you not want children? It’s part of your duty as a woman!” Just as he was taken aback so was I. My duty? Is that really all I am? A womb in which to make children? What about a scholar? Ambassador? Artist? Writer? Humanitarian? Are these not also important endeavors in someone’s life?
This view is definitely not uncommon. The same debate came up in my African Theories of Drama course, when we were discussing the feminist play Nneora: An African Doll’s House. The play is an adaption of the infamous play A Doll’s House by Ibsen. In the play, both Nora and Nneora go leave their husbands. The difference, however, is that Nora in the original leaves without her children, and slams the door at the end of the play. Nneora, however, takes her children, and doesn’t slam the door. This leaves room for hope for her marriage, and her children are safe by her side.
A couple of female classmates were proud to say that African women are proud to be mothers. Also, many men agreed. Our professor, however, did not. She said that we couldn’t say that about all women in Ghana, including herself. She has children, but was not a “natural mother”. This shocked some of the girls in class. I was excited by my professor’s disclosure. Since then, I have talked with her quite a bit about her views on feminism. She is one of the most interesting women I have spoken with.
Still, many people expect women to bear children. Even to adopt is not seen as enough to some people. When talking to one man, he said, “Why would you want to have someone else’s child?” This surprised and disheartened me.
In my opinion, child bearing is a choice of a woman, and if she wants to have her own children, adopt, or have no children it should be her right. This child is in her body and will change her life drastically and most likely for the rest of her years. Also, I believe that adoption is just as valuable (if not more, dare I say it!) to society. It is not through childbirth that she gains her identity, for she was a whole human being before she gave birth.
Topic #2 Polygamy
In Ghana, polygamy is legal. In some circles it is looked at as a positive, in others it is seen as a problem. It depends the people you are speaking to. Polygamy goes back to a time in which men in communities would have more than one wife, particularly chiefs or those in power. Similarly with those who are Islamic, men are allowed to have more than one wife, as long as they can provide for them all. Thus, multiple wives was/is seen as a sign of wealth. Even today on Facebook, I saw a post from a Ghanaian man saying how the Bible said it was good to have more than one wife (quoting a line about a wife being barren, and the husband sleeping with the maid to have children), and he thought it would be the best way to go, saying you would “avoid promiscuity”. This same man I have argued with many times about multiple wives. He continued to claim that if a man can provide for them all, why do I care? Then I asked him if I had three husbands would it be okay? He just laughed at me as if I was being ridiculous and called me a “foolish girl”. I think that is where my main issue lies. If a man can do it, why can’t a woman? What if I was a multi-millionaire and could provide well for three husbands? Why is that hilarious but the idea of three wives isn’t?
In the same vein, there are often many discrepancies with boyfriends and girlfriends in Ghana (although the same can be said of relationships in the US). Guys will be dating one girl, and then have two or three girls they are hooking up with on the side. This is often seen as a “no biggie/no surprise” kind of thing. Further, most girlfriends know about it, and say it’s all right. “Guys just need more sex than girls” has been one thing I have heard more than a couple of times. Even more interesting, if women are the ones with extra people on the side, there is quite a bit of “slut shaming” that occurs. Thus, this seems to be another males-only activity.
When discussing this with men in Ghana, one of them said something that I still am not sure about. He said, “Well your (US) men do it too. You just don’t know about it.” This is something that I can both understand and not. I do agree that many men and women cheat in the US, but I (perhaps naively?) believe that there are relationships that are built on trust and honesty, and that monogamy is possible.
Topic #3: The Pursuit
In Ghana, there are many men who seem to be on the pursuit for women. In my experience, men in Ghana are very persistent and don’t like to take “no” for an answer. I often see men following women to get the girl’s number, even if she refuses ten times beforehand.
Also, being an obruni (white person) makes this even trickier. Obrunis have a certain reputation, as both having money, and being in Ghana looking for sexual partners. While I can’t say these are not often true, I wish more men in Ghana knew this is a STEREOTYPE. This stereotype is also why (I have heard from some of my close Ghanaian girlfriends) many Ghanaian girls judge obruni girls before they know them, and don’t even give them a chance. I thank God that Shelter got to know me before she judged me. I know some obruni women who are sexually active here with multiple partners, but it is not everyone, and also, these women have chosen their sexual partners, and have not been pushed into it. The force behind the pursuit is the main problem. Every single day, I will have men follow me shouting at me, trying to get my number without even knowing my name. I won’t delve into too much detail, but I have been in situations that were not okay, and not appropriate due to persistent men. In all honesty, there are some days I wish I could hide in a suit that covered my whole body, so no one could tell what sex/skin color I have This reminds me of a project my friend Maggie did last year in sculpture. She created a suit to hide a woman in, in varying degrees. She created this project after spending a year in India and dealing with similar issues. At the time, I understood the project from an outsider’s perspective, but now I really understand where she is coming from.
So, in all honesty I often avoid contact with men (unless through Rotary, Rotaract or the Theater Department). Not that I want to, but because in most cases I have fallen into, what seems to be friendly becomes sexual really quickly. Maybe I am strange/unusual, but sex for me is important, and means I am in a genuine relationship. Again, this comes to the idea of choice. If my friend wants to be sexual, she should if she chooses. If I want to take my time, that should be okay too.
This is where I am going to brag about a particular male Ghanaian friend. In honesty, I may have lost faith in Ghanaian men after these certain bad incidents, but I am so lucky to have a wonderful friend named Max. If you look back to my entry about slowing down, I mentioned him there; we met when we both came to school on the first day to realize there was no class. Max is an honest friend, who never seems to have any motive but to be kind. If you saw how he helped everyone in our classes, you would understand. We often talk hours upon end about playwriting, art, politics, and feminism. He is very progressive, and open-minded. He told me how he grew up in a home where his sisters and him both had chores to do and had an equal workload. He said how in many homes, the girls do all the chores, and the boys do nothing. However, his situation was different. I continue to appreciate Maxwell and our friendship. (So if you read this, Max, thank you!)
After thinking about Max, I do think that there is something to the argument that it is the situation we grow up in. I know there are many male chauvinists in the states, and I wonder where and why they have learned that behavior? I believe there is just as much male chauvinism in the states, however I think it is sneakier, slicker. In Ghana, many things are upfront, and open. People tell it like it is. I think this is why there is the blatant “Can I have your number, obruni?” issue. In the states, much of this is suppressed and then becomes problematically quiet. Date rape drugs, alcohol, and other mediums in which to take advantage are on the rise in the states. So, although it may seem like there is less of a problem in the states, I feel that it is just not as apparent.
Well this concludes my feminist rambling. I do realize that my problems are minor in the grand scheme of life. I do indeed come from a place of privilege and try to remember that even in these problematic moments. Again, these are simply my opinions, and I hope this can lead to a beneficial discussion. I hope you all know that I respect both Ghanaian and US culture, and this blog is just a way for me to work with my own thoughts, as well as use it as a sound board with you all!
All the best,
Jessica
Jessica In Ghana 